Harry Potter Street Magic
by irlkg
Summary: This is Harry Potter showing off his magic to 2 guys...get ready for a laugh
1. Street Magic

"Come on Ron, these two guys" said Harry

"Alright," answered Ron carrying some sort of muggle equipment.

"Hey guys, we are taping a street magic special, want to see some magic?"

"Oh my gosh your Harry Potter!" Screamed Mark

"Harry Potter!" Shouted Evan

"That thing with Voldy's death was amazing!"

"Want to see some Magic?" said Harry

"Yeah of course!" said happy Evan.

Ron zoomed in on the video camera and Harry took out a deck of cards. Evan and Mark were surprised because it was a deck of cards and not magical wand moving tricks. Evan pulled out the **Ace of Clubs**, and then showed mark, then the camera. Harry then asked Evan to put it back in the deck. Harry then picked one card out and asked if that was his card which of course it was not! Then Harry asked Evan to lift his shirt.

"You want me to lift my shirt? Ok, im not gay just so you kno-what the f!!!

"Ahhhh what the f!" Screamed Mark

The Ace of Clubs was under Evan's shirt which was a surprise to all. Mark was still going 'what the f' and Evan spoke out.

"How did you do that? When did you do that?!?"

Mark then stood up and talked.

"There's not one on me there's not one on me!"

"Hey why don't you check you wallet?" said Harry.

"What ok, there's my wallet. Said Mark."

"Check your apparition license."

"Here it is!" said Mark

"Now how tall are you?"

"How tall am I? I am 5-foot ace of clubs-what the f!!!!!!!??????"

"What the fuck????!!!!!!!!!!" Said Mark.

"It's typed on there how did you get it on there what if they ask for it!!!!!!!??????" Screamed Mark

Now Harry asked Mark to check his cell phone (muggle products were allowed) and his home screen said Ace of clubs!!! Mark and Evan started screaming what the f! Now Harry asked Mark to call his mom. Mark was smiling because his mom was never home during the day. A surprise to all she was home. Harry gave more instructions.

"Now ask her to look at you 2nd year Hogwarts yearbook."

"Mom can you look at my second year Hogwarts yearbook...SHE'S ALREADY LOOKING AT IT!!!

"WHAT THE FUCK!" said Evan.

"She's looking at a picture of me!"

"What's in the picture? Said Harry

"Ok, uh hu, ok thanks mom, bye, (whispers) I love you to. (Normal) I'm eating Bertie Botts Every Flavored Beans with my friends!!!!"

"Check your sock." Said Harry

"Me? Asked Mark, "ok, ahhhh, beans, what the beans!!!!!"

"Stop putting shit on us, please!!! Stop it. If there is an effing Ace of clubs up my ass I am going to kill you Harry Potter!!! I will sue you!!!!"

Harry told them that he would stop doing stuff to them. He told Mark to hold this sign that he picked up from the ground and when Harry would count to 3 Mark would flip it and Evan would read it. Evan though was convinced that it said Ace of Clubs and said he would not effing read it. Evan turned his back and was clearly not going to read it. Harry began the countdown...

"One, two, three."

Mark turned over the sign and it had a lot of words but Evan turned his back and began to say what he felt.

"I'm not reading that effing sign. I'm not reading that fucking sign so f you, f you, and your fing demon magic fing demon shit. Effing, Effing no!!!! If I go home and there is an effing ace of clubs up my ass I swear I...I... (Giant gasp) I will effing you apeshit you effing demon, your and effing demon!!!"

Evan finally finished. During that time Mark looked at the sign in awe. The sign said the exact thing that he just had said and Mark could not believe it.

"Evan...read the sign!!!!!!!!"

Evan took a moment to make sure it was what he read, he was effing confused!

"Holy effing shit fs!!!!!

The moment he just said that more words appeared and no one in sight was using a wand. They both fainted after the started to scream.

"Dude I can't believe they fainted." said Ron

"Yeah, wait until they go home and find out what's up their asses!!!!!"

"If this is going to be in a story I will effing sue you Harry Potter!"

**A/N: Well that is chapter one. I have already got the next 6 ready. See ya.******

**Oh I like comments so please put those. **


	2. You Demon

"Alright these guys." Said Harry

"I'm coming." Said Ron

"Hey guys I'm taping a street magic special, want to see some magic?"

"No, NO!" Said Evan.

"You made fools of us last time Harry Potter." Peter said.

"Look we were shopping all day and we just want to go back up to the Gryffindor Common Room." Evan explained.

"Where did you go shopping?" Asked Harry

"It's a new store on Hogsmade, barley known yet." Said Evan

Evan was holding a large drink. Witch seemed to be pop or a slushy. Peter was holding a bag which would have some of purchases in it. Harry continued with his questioning.

"What did you buy?" Harry asked Peter.

"I bought green sweater if you want to know."

"Oh really, are you sure you did not buy a teddy bear?"

"Yes I'm sure look…!"

When Peter reached into his bag he pulled a brown teddy bear…omg!

"Teddy bear what the f!?!?!" Shouted Peter and Evan screamed.

Evan was going crazy and Peter was outraged. He went up to Harry and told he can not just make it disappear because that is considered stealing and how Harry was not being funny, but quite stupid. Then Evan noticed something. It was really weird seeing Harry's wand was not with him at all…

"Look at you effing body!" Evan said to Peter.

"What the f! How did you get it on my body? I was holding things. He must have outstretched it! I don't want to wear it now!"

Peter took off the green sweater and then he put it back into the bag. Harry then looked at Evan's drink. Harry then questioned Evan.

"What are you drinking?"

"Orange soda, big whoop, are you going to turn that into a teddy bear to I'm holding it!"

"What else is orange?" Harry asked Evan.

"What else is orange? I don't know, cheese itz?"

Evan then tried to take a drink of his orange soda. Problem was no soda came up the straw. He lifted the cover and could not believe what he was seeing. Also especially Harry with no wand.

"CHHESE ITZ! Cheese itz, cheese itz, cheese itz, cheese itz! What did you do with my orange soda what did you do with it?"

At that moment Peter spat out orange soda from his mouth,

"He put the orange soda in my mouth!"

"What the f! Please stop! You are a demon, an effing demon. Please stop you demon!"

"I'm going to do something else that's pretty cool. Do you want to see it?"

"No. NO! If you do it to yourself then yes. Just stay away from us!"

"Alright"

Harry then, with no wand, stood sideways to them about 30 feet away. He put one foot behind the other. Evan and Peter thought he was going to do that lame levitating trick.

"What the heck, my 5 year old cousin can do this!" Screamed Evan

"Just wait" Said Harry.

"You are not even levitating! Dumbledore did it better you bitch!"

Even then looked at the camera.

"Dumbledore did it better. You suck!"

"Evan," shouted Peter, "I'm levitating!"

"What the f! Put him down! There is nothing under you. Stop it you demon!"

"He put me on the roof, he put me on the roof!"

At that moment Evan just spat out orange soda and Peter was climbing down the roof.

"Stop putting orange soda in our mouths!"

Evan and Peter run up to the Gryffindor Common Room. Harry and Ron followed them. Then they walked up to their dorm room.

"Wait guys if you let me do one more trick I will give you 100 galleons."

"You'll give me 100 galleons?" asked Evan

"You could buy that scarf!" Said Peter

"I know. Alright come in. Welcome to our dorm room. I better get those 100 galleons!"

"What are those?"

"My home movies."

Harry then asked him to play the one that was in the VCR and click play. Peter was nervous. Evan just clicked play. It was him as a baby. His mom was holding him and his dad was video taping. Then on the video someone knocked on the door. It was Harry Potter. On the video he said this…

"Hi. Here's 100 galleons. I owe it to your son."

"WHAT THE F!" Screamed both Peter and Evan.

"I got to go piss!" Screamed Peter.

"Get out! Get out you demon. You time traveling, back to the future demon! Stay out and do not come back!"

Evan slammed the door and Harry just stood there.

"Wow that was pretty impressive." Said Ron

"Wait" Replied Harry

Evan opened the door very jumpy and said…

"He just pissed orange soda."

Harry stared at the camera while Evan looked at him. Evan went back inside and screamed.

"Does it hurt?!?"

**A/N: Well there is numero 2! I think I'll be staying with this story for a while. Feel free to leave a review and check out my other stories from a bit ago. Thanks for reading!**


	3. My Honda

"Alright these guys." Said Harry

"Here we go again." Replied Ron

"Hey fellas, we are taping a street magic special, want to see some magic?"

"Hell to the no! Screamed Evan

"We filed a restraining order on your demon tricks. I'm going to call the cops now!"

Peter went towards their car and talked on his cell. Evan then continued talking.

"Keep talking to us Harry Potter. Keep effing with us. It is illegal. It is literally illegal."

Peter finished on the phone and then came over to talk.

"Alright we have a little someone to come Harry. Someone is going to go to Azkaban!"

"Hey you, what kind of car do you drive now that you have a muggle drivers license?"

"I drive a black Honda big whoop." Said Evan.

"Is it compact?"

"I don't know look for yourself. What the f! You stole my car! My car is gone!"

"No it is not, look again."

Peter and Evan both looked. It clearly was not there. At that moment though they looked down and say that it was now Barbie sized. It was small and everything in it was.

"He shrunk your car!" Screamed Peter.

"You shrink my Honda you bitch! My jeans are in here. They are literally Barbie sized! My CD's are in here. Bertie Botts Beans, The Wiz Kids, The Weird Sisters! You shrunk the weird sisters!" Said angry Evan.

"My favorite hat is also Barbie sized now! How am I supposed to wear it now? This evidence! EVIDENCE!"

Peter picked up the car and his hat and walked over and walked around hoping that special person would show up.

"You know I hope Malfoy finds you and beats your ass!" Screamed Evan

"EVAN! He enlarged the car while I was holding it! I could have died. My hat is full size though thank goodness."

"Thank you Harry Potter his hat is back to normal size but my jeans and my CD's are still Barbie sized! You know I hate you Harry Potter I do not want to see your face!" Said Evan

"Alright you know what if you stand under this sheet you will not see me again." Replied Harry

"I won't see you again? Well give me that sheet. That is the best trick I have ever heard in the history of your bitch ass tricks!"

"One, two, three."

Harry raised his hands and with no wand Evan was gone. Peter was looking around thinking he was Barbie sized but Harry told him he was not. Peter begged for Evan to come back and he finally convinced Harry to bring him back.

"Ok, I'll bring him back, watch."

Evan then was falling from the sky screaming and he landed in a dumpster. Peter was screaming to find out where he was because he did not see it. He than ran over to the dumpster and saw Evan with his clothes all ripped up.

"You messed Evan up! What happened to you?"

"I WAS IN DINOSOUR TIME!"

"You were only gone for like 10 seconds!"

"WELL I SPENT A WEEK IN DINOUSOUR TIMES! LIKE 5 DAYS AND 4 NIGHTS EATING BERRIES AND FIGHTING EFFING DINOUSOURS!"

"Did you get to ride any?"

"NO DID NOY I GET TO RID ANY! WAS THIS _THE LAND BEFORE TIME_ WITH LITTLE FOOTAGE SHIT IT WAS LIKE JERASSIC PARK! YOU DEMON! Wait. Look at you effing head Peter!"

"You half sized my hat! Stop changing the size!"

At that moment someone came. Harry though just stood there and he knew what he was going to do. Evan and Peter were happy because here came Professor Snape. He was walking towards Evan and Peter and then he stopped an talked. He tried to turn of Ron's camera but he just pushed it and Ron gave him the finger. Luckily for his sake Professor Snape did not see it.

"Alright what is the problem here spoke out Snape?"

"Arrest him! We have a restraining order on that man. He keeps changing the size of out stuff. He also enlarged a car while I was holding it and I could have died!"

"Ok then Potter go up against that wall please."

"Of course Professor."

Evan and Peter were a bit surprised that Harry went there without a fight. They thought they were going to win. Oh what a happy day for them. Unfortunately for them they had no idea what was at store for them. Evan then spoke out.

"Please arrest him he sent me to dinosaur times. I could have died. I wanted to eat so I stole an egg from a mommy dinosaur and then that dinosaur chased me. After that a volcano erupted and shit."

"He didn't get to rid any. HE DIDN'T GET TO RID ANY!"

Then Snape looked at them like they were idiots, which they were, but he had no clue of that matter. He then took out a small back and asked them a question.

"Alright what are your names?"

"My name is Evan Ferguson. F-E-R-G-U-S-O-N."

"Peter Peszynski. P-E-S-Z-Y-N-S-K-I. You got it. It is Polish."

"Can you please arrest him because he his ruining our effing lives and making it horrible he is a demon! He is just an effing demon!"

Peter and Evan looked at him and he was just standing there still. Then they looked back at Snape and could not believe their eyes.

"Alright I'll see what I can do."

It was not Snape. Snape was nowhere to be seen. Harry was not even at the wall. Harry was in Police Officer clothes standing there. He stared into the camera and Evan and Peter could not believe it.

"WHAT THE F!"

They both shouted it at the same time.

"I'm not signing the release I am not signing the release!" Said Evan

"Get in the car!" Screamed Peter

**A/N: Wall that was three. Magic number 3 as you saw there. Well thanks for reading and leave a review.**

**YOU SHRUNK MY HONDA YOU BITCH!**


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